I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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