normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
