So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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