I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
