so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
