I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
