and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
