Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
