I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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