Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
