dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
