Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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