can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
