life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
