you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
