Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
