I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
should my penis look like a turkey
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
