remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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