This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
