he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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