out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
