yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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