we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
