how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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