Soap is not a condiment
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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