Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize