there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
