I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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