so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
