we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
