the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize