Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
