i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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