Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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