he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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