it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
