I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
