Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I need water and some morals
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
