he told me I talked like a deaf person
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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