people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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