Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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