i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
