The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
