No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
