I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
