So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
