I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
