Your face is a jimmy john
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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