I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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