If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
