Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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