I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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