Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
