i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
