I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
