Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
