nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
