He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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