I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
