3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
