I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
