I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
