i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
