Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
